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11/27/2018 0 Comments

The Economics of Doing Our Work

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​Note: I wrote this piece back in 2017 and it’s a point that I keep coming back to in my work with non-men, mostly women and those with multiple margins. A common thread to those who long to follow their calling and do meaningful work is overcoming the impact of colonialism, supremacy, and capitalism and how the three work together to maintain power and dominance of cishet patriarchy. Doing our work is a political act of defiance. In this piece, I unpack some of the layers around capitalism, labor, and economics.
I have a sense, that in an attempt to undo the harmful effects of capitalism, many womxn, femmes, biwoc, those with disabilities, and marginalized folks in general, end up doing too much for free. I see them taking on the emotional and all other forms of labor and absorbing the costs (emotional and otherwise) into their (sometimes) already strained lives, relationships, and finances.
And conversely, I see awesome projects that are abandoned because of lack of leadership, ‘hot potatoing’ responsibility that saddles the last one standing with the cost of labor. These are potentially life changing ideas and projects that can't just be accomplished with a labor of love. And even if someone does it, they often leave the main party resentful. Ultimately, it's unsustainable.
And further, most of the people I have worked with suffer from burn out, exhaustion, unsustainable ways of being that keep us from doing meaningful work for very long.
​

Let’s break down the (true) costs
​

There is an unavoidable cost to doing our work. In economic terms, which by the way is a study of how we use scarce resources, we call it opportunity cost. There is a cost to picking one choice, because we have limited time, money, resources, attention and so on to put towards an activity. By saying yes to one thing, we must often say no to other opportunities.
Without a lens of patriarchy and how systems of oppression work, all else being equal, we all have the same chance of doing our work and being paid fairly for that same work. And with that same lack of understanding, we can say that ‘everyone’ has the same access to these opportunities and the same access to fair pay. By that logic, we all get paid a fair living wage and can make choices based on meaning not survival.
But we know that’s not true.
Not even close.
Wage gap statistics show that women make less than men, some seventy or eighty cents to the dollar. And current evidence that was just released in November 2018, shows those numbers look more like 49 cents in real terms, not the original seventy or eighty.

If we factor in race the statistics for Latinx and Black women it’s even lower. Most are not tracking non-gender conforming and trans individual numbers, but they are appalling. And in the UK and US, it’s still perfectly legal to pay disabled folx as little as £1/hour. A lesbian couple was just fired for calling each other ‘wife’ at work, many queer individuals have to face this sort of abuse.
To make matters worse, it’s mostly white men are more likely to have the higher banded positions to start with, according to UK data.
That means that for every dollar (or whatever currency we use), there is less income available, even for the same position and same job title and same experience for the marginalized. Already, it’s an unequal playing field.
Non-men historically have borne the brunt of second shift work, the work that happens at home.
We must also factor in the ‘marriage penalty’ for married women or the lack of support when caregivers and parents must care for their children, their elderly or disabled family members. Women face these penalties by less pay and the cumulative loss of that income over the course of their careers. Contrast that to the parallel ‘family’ that most married men receive for having a family.
And there is often unpaid work at home that must be considered. Use this calculator to find out how much labor you might be taking on at home that zaps your time and energy.
Of course, it would be helpful to understand emotional labor and the toll that takes as well. Here’s a good primer.
When we dollar-cost-average those wages with the unpaid time, our hourly rate, often overly low to start with, become even more so. And the total wage compared to the labor actually expended does not afford many with a livable wage.
Unliveable, unsustainable, and unrewarding.

In other words, we’re not all paid fairly. Until we have livable wages and our basic needs for free, those that benefit from the free labor have the ultimate advantage. Reminder: capitalism grows and thrives on free labor (amongst other things).

And by saying no to some things, we say yes to other things. And when we say an emphatic ‘YES’ to that which brings us peace, happiness, supports our wellbeing, we are subverting these systems.
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Saying YES to Thriving
​

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde

Yes, we need to breakdown kyriarchy AND we need to be paid. Even in late stage capitalism that we live in, we still need money and the things that affords us, to survive and even, (dare we?), THRIVE.

We can do this without sacrificing our needs and absorbing the costs.

The truth is, we have work to do in the world and we have limited time on this planet. And these systems of oppression aren't going anywhere quickly. The question is, how can we do this in a way that still is fair, just, equitable, and inclusive.

That’s exactly where I play in possibilities and do my work. Before we get into the practical, let’s linger on the framing.

It's all about power. As marginalized folx, we might not always have the power to dismantle the 
bigger structures. I get that.

But we have the power to do our work.

We have the power to undo the indoctrination and internalized BS that keeps us feeling small and less than.

We have the power of consent and agency.

We have the power and we must take it back. No one is going to just give it to us, especially where systemic oppression is in play (and where isn’t it in play?).

We have the power to learn to re-center ourselves and our needs. Yet these too require time, money, resources, opportunity, and inclinations, I am not oblivious to these levels of privilege.

​However, even in our heart, our ways of being, there are places for us to reclaim and recenter ourselves.
​

Are we letting others run the show?
​

Far too long, we have allowed the needs of others to run the show. I see so many fabulous individuals (including myself) hide our gifts for a myriad of reason all because we've seen those gifts be misconstrued or misunderstood or misused or weaponized against us or those we love.

Our need to express and our need for purpose and meaning are valid asks.

We are influenced by the agendas of others. In most spaces, we’re projected upon to one degree or another. Judgements, biases, control, power, and economics all play into these dynamics.

They show up in small, insidious ways.

I also think the fear of hurting others inadvertently plays a role here. The most powerful healers and artists have wounds (just like all of us). But it takes real power (and opportunity) to heal that.

And it takes courage to not lash out from that wound, but create from our power instead. Not as in power over another, of course, but of true power and inner strength. We too are human and might make mistakes and hurt others inadvertently. But how we handle it speaks more than the error itself.

It's about owning our gifts and following the call. Making sure we are a channel for our creativity and open to the voice of the muse.

And often our very specialized, honed, nurtured, and nuanced skills and wisdom are hard to readily articulate to a world that seeks a silver bullet, a quick fix, an elevator pitch, a punch line, and a bottom line. We can't fit ourselves and our work and stay in alignment in such a tight structure.

And as business owners, healers, creatives, artists, writers, and those that challenge the status quo, we have the right to ask for fair payment for our work. We need not do it all for free for the love of art. That might mean setting boundaries, saying no, asking for what is need and allowing ourselves to receive it.

When we do work, even for our communities and organizations, can we make sure we are supported. The water protectors at Standing Rock often have to give up time with family or paid work to protect the water for us all. They put out calls for support with clarity. This particular work might be ‘unpaid’ and essential to the survival of the planet, AND there might be ways to source ourselves in a variety of ways to make sure that we are taken care of as we do this type of work as well.

We still live in late stage capitalism and we still need money to function in our society. Some are called to live as a modern hunter gathers or digital nomads, but as artists and creators we may need more stability to create from within the fire consistently (I certainly do!). And some of us are parents. And some of us have disabilities. And some of us have edges that are not obvious but limit us in one way, shape, or form. And doing things on speck and a favor for a friend or for the love of art doesn't pay rent or buy groceries.

Each of us is unique. And so how we solve this issue of doing our work and being paid and offering things at a rate that is accessible to our peeps can be a real challenge and will also be highly personalized. And each solution will be unique to us and the circumstances and need around us. Only patriarchy demands uniformity and universalization. Let's find our way through opening up authentic conversations about this and being transparent and practicing consent in our work and our business models.

Let's not forget to accept that in fighting for justice, we must be just to ourselves and our calling.

We can't do our work if we're penniless and homeless and hungry.

​We must be paid fairly. And 
that calling will keep calling.


A note on the practicals
​

As a rule, I am not a fan of blanket advice or best practices that do not keep the individual needs, priorities, and tendencies in mind. However, there are some ways to approach following our calling and navigating the economics.
  • Understand your design and tendencies. If you know how you are wired and how you work best, you can stop fighting your inherent approaches and wisdom, you can align and ally with yourself.
  • Learn to say no and create boundaries. What can you release?
  • Create a container for what you trying to create. Make time, space, and resources available to grow this new vision.
  • Get clear on what it you want to do. Clarity is the biggest game changer for most people I work with on a daily basis.
  • Be realistic. Take stock of the resources, relationships, and inner resilience you might have already available to you.
  • Ask for support. What sort of support will help you grow your vision into reality?
  • Double up. Can we do activities that support more than one cause, i.e. knitting that makes hats for those in need but also fulfils us in ways that honors our need for quiet time?
  • Look to those in community organizing. Witness how they amplify, ask, listen, share and get super focused on their causes.
  • Start small. Rome was not built in a day, the same with your vision.
Image: Person wearing a flannel shirt and glasses resting their elbow on a yellow wall, with their cheek resting on their hand.

​Image Credit: Blake Connally, Unsplash
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11/20/2018 0 Comments

Personal Development Tools and Assessments: Supporting Growth and Liberation or Reinforcing Oppression and injustice?

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I have been meaning to write this article for some time. In personal development and coaching/consulting/healing spaces it is fairly common to use personality assessments like Myers-Briggs or Strengths Finders or similar to understand aspects of who you are and how best you work.

It also is commonly used in corporate or institutional settings to understand team dynamics and ways to come together in cooperation and more effective communication.

People live by these assessments. As much as I would love to say these assessments are wonderful and solve everything, I would be off the mark.

And some people do not want to have anything to do with them, and understandably so.
​

In reality, the truth is somewhere in the middle.

​These tools, each have strengths of their own. They can illuminate the shadows and show the way for new perspectives and ways of being. They can give us insights into how we operate, communicate, and our needs and capacities. And they give us ways to come together as a team or in interpersonal relationships, so we can relate to each other in ways that support each other and the relationship. We could use the results of these assessments to help us achieve our goals and hone our vision and determine how best to take action.

In my work and experience, if not used with care, these tools can be wielded like weapons and cause further harm. Like in many other things, context matters here too. If we’re using these tools in the hopes of liberation without a great understanding of context, we’re bound to hurt ourselves and others with these tools.

As with all tools and systems and dynamics, the wider context and biases seep in here too. For instance, the origins of the Myers-Briggs assessment is steeped in misogyny and capitalism (You can read more about this here).

If we’re not actively dismantling the various ‘isms’ in our life, work, and relationships, we will inadvertently bring that baggage with us into this space as well. The creators of these systems, mostly, white men from the Global North, who brought their own biases and ways of being and ‘bootstrap’ mentalities with them into the personal growth space.

And it barely matters what assessment we are talking about, it is the basis and the underlying bias of the test. And access to taking, interpreting, and implementing the results.


Some examples...

Here are a few for your purview:
  • The Kolbe A is a $50 (49.95 USD at the time of writing) investment. It helps determine our action styles, however, it does not take into account disability, capacity, and issues of accessibility and access. Knowing our action taking tendencies helps us align with those energies, yet fifty dollars is not in everyone’s budget.
  • Scientific Hand Analysis has elements of the ancient art of palmistry and most definitely appropriates from these practices. Yes, it’s a new way to look at the dermatoglyphs and that contribution of translating these glyphs into and life’s lessons and themes. Yet, it can easily bypassour realities of trauma, layers of personal truth and experience, and the biases of the readers canalso impact the efficacy of the ways our hands are read.
  • Human Design mixes from several traditions including astrology, the chakras, and Kabbalah (the tree of life). There are accessibility issues with many of Ra Uru Hu’s original teachings being put behind paywalls now (for many years much of his body of work was available widely online) and even finding your chart can be difficult if you’re unsure of birth times due to adoption or birth in places where birthtime was not noted. Yet the test is fairly common and accessible widely.
  • How the World Sees You is amazing in finding ways you stand out to other brands but ignores the other implications of how the world really sees us, with our rose-tinted glasses of implicit biases in place. Without this crucial distinction, this test can easily be warped to upholding things like ‘you’re being too loud (or powerful)’ to women of color or ‘silencing or ignoring’ marginalized peoples in the marketing and branding process.
  • Myers-Briggs designed to understand leadership qualities and specifically upholds patriarchy and capitalism, however, it’s a useful tool in understanding personality and ways of being.
Most of these tools are marketed and designed for white people in power and influenced positions or those in the middle classes. We must consider that those in poverty, those with disabilities and the marginalized in making this safe and accessible to them, where we can. The tropes of society can easily be mirrored in how the results are interpreted and put into practice.

Many of these tests are embedded with and uphold misogyny, gender binary, cultural appropriation, racism, ableism/saneism, capitalism/neoliberalism, alternate ways of being, and so on.


How this might work in practice


Here is an example of how this may work in practice:

Recently I had a conversation with a fellow human design enthusiast. I was not sure what to expect, but I am always pleased to talk to those who take the time to integrate human design or other assessments into their daily working lives, work, and relationships.

After introductions and pleasantries, the conversation quickly went the wrong direction. Human Design has a little known very nuanced application for small groups and teams called the ‘Penta’.

This person seemed to think that if all aspects of the Penta were met by a group of three individuals, they could work harmoniously even if they did not like each other or get along. This was a direct interpretation by Ra Uru Hu and how he described it. When I brought up structural and systemic oppression, this person shrugged and was silent. They were unable to see that misogyny or racism (or other forms of oppression) could play into that dynamic, that the value of the ‘Penta’ was more important than our individual needs and how such a framework could bypass these topics or actually actively encourage victim-blaming or silencing.

It was a difficult conversation and though there were some pearls that I gleaned from the discussion, mostly I had to wade through a common brand of white feminism and patriarchy, getting harmed along the way. I could have chosen to walk away but felt stuck. What if I had paid for a session only to be harmed? I had the spoons to deal with it that day, but what if I had not? What if that space turned out to be one of greater inequity and layers of privilege that also included her being the human design practitioner and I was the client? What if I walked into a space to network, or seek help as a client only to be harmed and gaslit? How else would these biases be used against me or others in other situations?

Many of my clients have hidden disabilities and multiple margins, and here are some ways I use these tools to uplift and empower, find clarity and insight, and move us into integration, embodiment, and aligned action.
​

Way to Use Assessments in More Useful Ways
​

  1. Employ radical consent. I’ve worked with a number of practitioners in my years and few have had​ the skill level and embodied radical consent in their practice and ways of doing their work. It makes for a safe environment for radical change to take place. When we’re in a place of vulnerability in doing healing work, we need someone who can hold strong boundaries and make sure the container is a space of safety as we navigate big changes. When in doubt, let’s honor the sovereignty of another. Can we honor where people are and believe their experiences of the world? Can we honor our own truths?
  2. Actively seek to understand and dismantle your biases. We’re all privileged in some form and have edges. We also have wounds that need healing. Determine where you are and do that work. Not only will it show in your ability to do this work with less harm, but you reintegrate and reclaim parts of your own humanity in the process. Can you name your biases? Can you name the tropes that people typically use against the marginalized and stop perpetuating and believing them? What mirrors and projections might be in play?
  3. Translate ways of being and your methodology and approach that show (not tell) your clients they are in a safe space. Some people do this by using imagery and words of the social justice movement, but most are purely performative, not going nearly deep enough. The real translation happens at a granular level. Some of these are ‘best practices’ within the industry, many are not. And because these assessments are very personalized, how we translate them into practices and ways of being in HOW we deliver these teachings and our services is personal to us and our own brand.
  4. Understand your intent. What do you want out of these test results for yourself or for others? Can you point out your agency, your agenda, your biases, and your needs and capacity BEFORE you use these types of tools and glean these answers from a healer/coach before entering into a client relationship with them? Be clear before going any further.
  5. Go beyond binary thinking. It’s not simply a either-or or neither-nor proposition often times. Things are present in more complex and nuanced ways. There is almost always multiple layers at work, there is a both/and (and, and, and…) ways of being and levels of truth. Hold these tensions and truths in yourself.
  6. Slow down. When we’re racing into action and into ‘knowing’ and to being the ‘expert’ we are bound to miss the nuance and the actual chance to connect, to listen, to be, and to explore. Most commonly, we fall into being pressured in ways that don’t support us. Things unfold in their own way, in their own time, and that is just perfect. When we add disability, trauma, or neurodivergence, we most definitely need to move at a rate that support us.
  7. Remember who you are and your agency before taking any assessment. Take what works and leave the rest. There is always another way to glean the same information or find the answers, you’re not limited to working with people or tools that cause you harm.

Image: A person's hand holding a piece of broken mirror, or reflective glass, looking at their eye reflected back at them.

Image Credit: Vince Fleming, Unsplash
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10/29/2018 0 Comments

On Finding Internal Alignment

Archer wearing traditional Mongolian clothing leaning over a bow in a field.

Note: 


I wrote this piece a year ago on 15th of September 2017 while I was deeply healing and struggling with the integration piece in my life, work, and relationships. It’s a time I was deeply in the cave face-to-face with my feelings of overwhelm with my own shadows and healing edges, searching for the pieces of myself worth reclaiming and integrating in the next iteration, and sitting with the discomfort of not quite being in alignment. It first appeared on my personal Facebook wall here. I’ve since polished it and added more detail in the steps of alignment.

​

The Journey

I stand by my point that every single one of us has a calling to fulfill. I stand by my point that we must do the work we were born to do, if we wish to find sustainable peace, satisfaction and contentment.

However, it's not an easy journey. Or a straightforward one.

Of course, not all of us have the time, resources, support and comfort to be able to follow our calling and live on purpose, but that does not mean it’s not worthwhile or unattainable or we should give up.

There are significant hurdles to this especially if you are marginalized or in any 'othered' category, or have more than one margin, it's likely to be more difficult.
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Healing is matter of opportunity


It requires tenacity and courage. But it also requires support.
See, living with this type of daily marginalization, causes deep wounds. But healing them is not straightforward. 'Healing,' as, Hippocrates said,' is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity'. In the daily, almost moment to moment barrage, it's hard to find a spare moment to do this healing and integration work.
​

The healing is not to change the systems of oppression and inequality necessarily. That is the job of the oppressors, the elite, the ones in power. Yet with each moment of healing, reclaiming, and integrating reduces the shadow of us all. 
​

But what can be done?

In my opinion, each person’s process to find their alignment and move into integration is unique to them and their process. And each point of transition in our lives brings new challenges and needs new perspectives and skills. That being said, I have found stages in the process that many of us go through on our way to realignment.
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Realignment

First, we must find our internal realignment.
It is a deeply personal process of remembering who you are, before the conditioning, trauma, and memes changed your perception and covered up your truth and power. This includes a rediscovering of who you are, your why, your calling and your potential. Looking deeply at your hardwiring and your unique design, voice, and needs. Also, much of this reclamation process is dependent on your unique set of priorities and situation at any given moment.

This stage in the process is often marked with feelings of confusion, self-doubt, hesitation, loneliness and uncertainty with moments of intense clarity and vision. It’s a realization that life is not quite what you were hoping or needing it to be and a sense to find a different path. It can often be slow and inward focused, though for some external change or upheaval can instigate the process.
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Though there are literally hundreds of tools to help find clarity on reclamation, the ones that help almost everyone are those that lift the veil into our shadows. We hold a light to our wounds and lean in to what is present for us.
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Transformation

Transformation is the second step.

The next is a process of deep transformation. It is often as we look into the role of biology (epigenetics), ancestral wounds, programming and conditioning. Unpacking each element and its lasting influence in your life. Finding the triggers, the pain, the shadow, and your fears. Deprogramming at a deep level. It's the real work.
​

This stage often feels like a dark night of the soul. It often resembles the cocoon stage of the butterfly where the body of the caterpillar liquifies and the imaginal cells of the newly forming butterfly grow. We may seek help at this stage and there is often a need to really get grounded. It the stage where many layers of changes are happening, often below the surface. Your internal light shines into the depths of darkness.
​

(Re)Integration

And the last stop is (re)integration.

Where we transcend the programming and rewrite the scripts that limited us. It is owning your power in a new way. A new-found confidence and self-assurance emerges. It's seeing the world and your situation as it is and getting on with your calling. The translation of turning vision into reality, clarity of action, and integrating purpose with day-to-day life and expression. We often find peace and connection. It’s the process of ‘Aligned. Meaning. Impact.’ brought to life.

We often toggle between steps two and three often as we see the programming, release it, and integrate your new findings into your life, work, and relationships. Learning to center yourself is tough work. Having the uncomfortable conversations is not a cake walk. Overcoming internal resistance is not easy. Staying true to your north star is hard during the storms.
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This does not mean that the oppressive systems will disappear or that it is fully your job to dismantle them. It means facing the day with courage and acting with integrity. As we heal and come into alignment, we undo the internalized oppression and heal the oppressor within, so we become less harmful and more aligned in all we do.
In this piece by Leesa Renee Hall on her blog post titled: The Real Reason Why Self Published Books Are Not Giving Authors Instant Credibility Overnight, she references my original piece. 
 
Image: Archer wearing traditional Mongolian clothing leaning over a bow in a field.
Image Credit: Anand Tumurtogoo via Unsplash.
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8/20/2018 0 Comments

On Doing Your Work (The How Matters)

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To do your work in the world does not mean you have to become an anti-racism teacher, nor does it mean you have to start talking about fat shaming or consent culture or bisexual erasure or capitalism any other topic. You don't need to talk about any of it. It doesn't mean you need to change the heart of your message or who you are.


You don't need to become a savior for all the marginalized of the world. You don't need to care about EVERY SINGLE topic and issue. You don't need to follow the news cycle and weigh in on everything.


There isn't enough time to do so. Not only is it unsustainable, it's impractical and it often comes at the cost of our day-to-day well-being. And if you have multiple margins this is doubly so.


Yes, you have your work, your message, your healing and your arts to share. And it can be done and delivered in ways that bring anti-oppressive ways to the how we do it.


To do your work does mean: you have to do your inner work both around healing the wounds of oppression and undoing the harm you may be causing with your privilege.


To do your work does mean: you take responsibility for yourself, your body, your actions, your choices, your words, your energy, your biases, and your attitudes. And honor the same sovereignty in others.


To do your work does mean: you take care of your self-care. The personal is the political in a world that does make profit at the cost of nature and humanity itself, reclaiming our connection to self, nature, universe, and each other is radical.


To do your work does mean: you take responsibility for doing your work in such a way that is in alignment to your inner truth and is actively dismantling systems of oppression. You get to decide how and prioritize where to focus your resources and energy at any given time, use them for the highest good.


To do your work does mean: you understand that it will take us all to dismantle what currently is and it will take all of us to create a global framework of liberation, the change we wish to see in the world. But if you're coming to this work not realizing that we're all in this together, but to save someone outside of you, then you're doing it wrong.


To do your work does mean: the how you do things is just as important as what you do. Using oppression in your work does not justify the harm caused or the end result. We must seek to root out oppressive ways in our work, our words, and our actions at all levels.
​

That is your work.

Image Credit: Heidi Sandstrom, Unsplash.
Image: person's hand holding a compass, flowery shrubs in the background. 
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8/7/2018 0 Comments

On Creating a Sustainable Practice

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 The pattern of lack

I keep seeing a pattern in so many areas. That we don't put ourselves first. In paying ourselves, in caring for our needs, in self care, in our joy, in allocating resources to what is needed or wanted. And why, because of our conditioning, in this mess that is capitalism and economics (economics is the study of lack) where there is never enough. It was designed like that!

Creating a sustainable practice

I know the entire pattern cannot be solved in one minute, nor will it be sustainable if we did that. Sustainability comes from regular habits and what we do each and every day, each month, and each year. But we can start by taking back even 1% of our time (14 minutes per day), 1% of our wealth, 1% of our attention, 1% of our joy back to ourselves. That is not selfish. It's essential. And even that little bit, goes a long way. Even that 1% will change our mentality and our habits.

If you've been in the habit of giving 100% to everyone else, it's gonna be hard to start to put even 1% aside for yourself. It will make you question yourself, it will make you challenge every aspect of cishet patriarchy and capitalism, and it will make you realize that you matter and are worthy of being taken care of and supported. All of these systems ask that we sacrifice ourselves at the cost of our well being, joy, love, relationships, health, and dreams just to be gulped back up in profits and wealth for the elite. Even in a few minutes and a few dollars, stops that trend in it's tracks.

Honoring Your Vision

It can be VERY uncomfortable to make that shift. To put yourself first and put attention and resources towards your vision, in a sustainable way, instead of just focused on the needs and wants of others and putting everything into a system that doesn't care or prioritize you or your well-being. Sustainable life, work, and relationships require something different. Honoring our dreams and vision, requires something new.

This is the work I do with clients in a deep, real way. We start recalculating our money, resources, attention and care back into our real work in the world, instead of work that doesn't fulfill and give back.

Are you ready to create sustainable transformation in your life, work, and relationships? Let's do it. I've got an open slot for my 1:1 services and I'd love to work with you.

Image credit: Lau Keith from Unsplash. 
Image: An Asian person with long, straight black hair looking directly at the camera with a smile, city scape over water in the background. 
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7/29/2018 0 Comments

‘Rightness’ is Relative, On Knowing Your Truth

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‘Rightness' is a relative concept.
​

Right for whom? Right for when/now? Right based on what factors?

Capitalism and kyriarchy forces choices based on factors often outside of what's good for us, our wellbeing, our families and communities, and ultimately, society. We’re socialized to think of others and their needs, more than our own, especially non-men and the marginalized. 
On top of that, we live in a world where the assumption is not autonomy and sovereignty, but projection, assumption, judgements, biases, and filters to how we connect and make meaning. Inherently, we’re meaning making machines and have been hard-wired to be that way since birth. And in the first seven years of life, we’re essentially making sense of the world and how to interact in it. That’s the process of indoctrination. ​
Many interactions lead with the assumption that is not rooted in safety, consent, and the understanding that people know themselves and their situation better than anyone else. And we’re encouraged to hero worship and put experts and others on pedestals, saying they know better than us. We are immersed in a culture of patriarchy that makes us doubt ourselves, that makes us sacrifice our well being for ‘profit’, that values productivity and intellect over connection and love, and, in essence, obfuscates who we are and what we are here to do. It’s no wonder we’ve forgotten. 
​

But you do know your Truth?
​

The underlying truth is we do know ourselves and what is right for us. Or at the very least, we have the potential to at any given moment. ​
What's right for me right now, might not be what's right for me next week or even in 10 minutes. The same for you. ​
Instead of answers, I have questions. 

-  How do you decide what’s important to you right now? 
-  Are you clear on your needs, vision, and priorities?
-  In your life, who decides what’s right and what’s working? 
- How do you know when you are in alignment with your core essence or purpose? 
- What signs do you get when you're in alignment and integrity vs when you are off base? How do you then course correct?
​

A myriad of tools
​

Of course, there are hundreds of tools and therapists and healing modalities available to help you find clarity and direction. But the best tools are the ones that you use, that respect your agency, and align with you and your ways of being.
In my practice, I show people how to use their human design and hand analysis to integrate those ways of being into their life, work, and relationships. But instead of a prescriptive approach, we find patterns in tendencies and ways of being and then translate them into real, tangible ways to enhance who they are and align their daily actions with their hardwiring and design. ​
But the essence of my work and those whose work I trust ask the most potent question of all: ​
‘What would it be like if you trusted yourself again?’ ​
Followed by this runner up:
‘What would it be like if you didn’t gaslight yourself?’
See, the world we live in gaslights us constantly and we internalize that programming. If anyone is doing this work with you and doesn’t have that fundamental question at the heart of EVERYTHING they do, then walk away, right now.
​

Questions for reflection:

How can you personally tell, between your intuition/inner knowing vs. fear/trauma/conditioning speaking?

How do those 'voices' or 'feelings' move through you differently? Do you give yourself enough space to investigate and act accordingly?
​

'Rightness' is a relative term.

I ask you again. 
​

‘Right for whom? Right for now? Right based on what factors?’ 
A place that I often struggle is getting clarity on what's right for me, because of the conditioning I've followed, that asked that I align the 'rightness' based on what others needed or the urgent vs important tasks, or the agenda of whiteness and patriarchy. The more I revel in my own agency and listen to my inner compass, the clearer I see my place and the path to my calling and inner peace.
But it's not always easy to listen or rediscover who we are underneath the layers of experience, expectations, and conditioning.

I no longer want to be ok with limiting my own voice, make do with situations that don't serve me, lower myself just to fit in. I'm reclaiming my right to exist, to be 'difficult', to ask for what I want and need, and allow myself to be seen and heard and take up space.

I urge you to seek your own answers and find your own dharma and life path. A simple sentiment yet often times more difficult than not, to live it. Underneath our programming, the expectations of others, the stress and pressure, is your essence. Align with that version of right.

Doing what’s best for you and your situation is always RIGHT.

​
Image: Person on a beach walking a labrynth marked out on the sand with rocks and the sea in the background.


Image Credit: Ashley Batz, LinkedIn


0 Comments

11/7/2017 0 Comments

Building Safety Into Our Work

Three people wearing hijabs laughing and talking.
​Safety is not created in one moment. 
It is an intention set. It is action and follow through. It is commitment. It is awareness. 
It happens in dialogue. It happens in motion.
​

​Safety is a dance. 
​

It is created by the dance of interactions, communications, nuances, subtitles and subtlety. It is created in the moment of sharing, listening and connecting.
To get clarity, definite boundaries, seek consent, check in, listen for feedback, misstep and course correct, apologize, are all messy and uncomfortable at times.
In seeking safety, borderline offense or awkwardness may happen at times. But when we meet fears and concerns with the power of listening, witnessing, communion, humility, acceptance and love, that transmutes the hurt, the fears, the pain, the anger, the rage, the sadness, the trauma into power and galvanizes action.
People often cause harm inadvertently. Yes, impact is more important than intent. And depending on our boundaries, priorities, resources, as well as inequalities, inequities, and injustice, safety is not something that is the norm in our world—but it needs to be the norm.
​

​Are you willing?
​

It's the willingness to listen.
​It’s the willingness to be vulnerable.
It's the willingness to witness.
It's the willingness to be wrong. 
It's the willingness to change. 
It’s a willingness to be daring. ​
To be courageous.
To be daring. ​
To be alive. ​
Creating an atmosphere of safety
Safety is not a given in our world. It is very much based on privilege. Certain people get to be safe and others, the vast of individuals majority, feel insecure and unworthy of safety. The paradigm we live in is one of lack of safety, concern, and consideration. 
Safety is creating a space where the needs of the most marginalized are protected and kept safe. In the powerful words of Desiree Lynn Adaway, "When we center solutions around THE most vulnerable the rest of us are ok."
Safety is not just a feeling, it is very much a verb. And in creating safety includes vulnerability, a willingness to be seen and heard, strong boundaries, communication especially those of non-verbal cues and emotional authenticity. Speaking up and being heard. Exchange of subtle and not so subtle communication until an agreement is reached. 
Safety is based on clarity of boundaries, expectations, and resources. Safety is defined by consent, first and foremost. "Yes means nothing if you are not free to say no," quoted from the powerful work of Isabel Faith Abbott around consent. 
Safety, especially between individuals or groups that are unequal in position, status, hierarchy, privilege and resources, becomes a paramount. It needs to be the main objective to protect the vulnerable.  
All other considerations must stem from this. ​


Creating safe spaces for our work
​

In following our calling and doing our work, we must keep this at the forefront of that work. In our relationships and life, we serve ourselves, including the marginalized parts of ourselves and those around us, when we consider safety, in all its forms, it only then we feel safe in our vulnerability and humanity. 
I have been considering creating safe spaces as I am in the process of getting clarity of creating my own for those in world. Those who need a safe space, a brave space to be themselves, do the work of unpacking and deprogramming, all in the spirit of following their calling and doing their work/purpose in the world. 
​

Questions for reflection:
​

Where do you feel safe? What do you need to feel brave? What can you do to build trust and safety in your work, for those you serve? What do you need to do your work and follow your calling in a deeper way? In what ways are vulnerability, trust, and safety related? How can we foster them in our relationships and communities and in our work?
Image : Three people wearing hijabs laughing and talking.
Image Credit: Rawpixel via Unsplash.
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10/13/2017 0 Comments

Decolonizing Yoga for People of Color and the Trope of the White Yoga Teacher

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Image: Person of color doing a yoga asana in a courtyard, Image credit Morgue File: martinlouis
“Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade their responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future.” 
 ― Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches

Seriously, can we talk about spiritual white folks, especially white women, for a moment?


There is a series of tropes of these women and quite frankly, each of them, is dangerous to womxn and people of color.


I was recently in a discussion with a group of poc and someone started to mention ‘a spiritual white woman.’ Cue collective eye roll. Cue rage. Cue stepping into our power. No more is needed for our imaginations to fill in our most recent encounter with one of these women and the harm that we have suffered at their hands.


They take OUR cultures, OUR practices, OUR traditions and use them as COSTUMES. They PROFIT from it. And then, when it’s inconvenient they can discard the whole image. When wrapped together with LOA or other white washed spirituality, it becomes infinitely more oppressive. I’ll touch on those tropes later in the series.


While we walk around in these yellow, brown and black bodies and face a daily ONSLAUGHT of racism and fear for our lives and our safety. And if we bring up our cultures, our practices, we are harmed at worse, ignored which is generally neutral, and tokenized at best. And in this world, neutral means often siding with the oppressor.


To say that this feels me with rage is an understatement. My belly burns when I see this and other spiritual white women tropes in action. And when I see fellow poc being hurt or thrown under the bus to protect these ww, the gloves come off.


In this series, I hope to walk you through some of the common tropes of spiritual white women and the unintentional, and intentional harm done through their work. These tropes are very much based on real women that I have encountered. While I can name names, it is more the trope that I am interested to share at this time. In the future, depending on how this goes, we’ll talk about real people in this space, name names of those causing harm.


Initially, I was writing to ww. But I have reconsidered that stance. I now write to protect poc and marginalized individuals from further harm. We see a sheen of ‘goodness’ or we believe the hype. We get sucked in. Then inevitably we get hurt. We incur more harm, on top of the lifetimes of pain we have already endured and been passed down from our ancestors. Without further ado…


Trope # 1 The White Yoga Teacher


I recently met a (white) English woman who could easily be classified as spiritual. For simplicity I’ll call her ‘S’, but pay attention to the trope. ‘S’ was a wearing a flowing dress that needless to say, came from the Indian subcontinent. She is a yoga teacher and healer. She was expressly there (at a retreat) to teach movement, a type of yoga, meditation and perhaps some of her ‘healing’ that seemed to be a collection of practices from all over the world. She taught this ‘womb’ yoga. The type of yoga here is irrelevant. It was presented as if ‘S’ herself had created it. And the entire introduction of herself and the work, centered on her and her situation. She briefly asked if there were health conditions to be aware of. And she gave 3 rules. The first was ‘ahimsa’, which is a Sanskrit word for a non-violent approach or nonviolence. She said comparing your ability to others or pushing yourself past your own comfort were forms of this. I honestly can’t remember the other two rules. She started the yoga. Womb yoga, without introduction to the materials, to its source, the specific practice and its history, just the movements with a white washed ‘gathering womb energy’ type of guidance. From the start I had reservations. I did actively participate for about 15 minutes, but within minutes my attention was waning and my rage growing. I chose to sit out the rest of the class. She continued in this vein for 50+ minutes.


Later, after the class. I was open to a discussion, as was she. She listened to some of what I share below. We left it in a positive place, (from my perspective). Yet, unfortunately, this individual chose to leave the retreat and did not clarify what had happened to the other participants. Neither did the retreat host (but that is another story completely). The burden fell to me and as a result, I bore the brunt of the negative response that followed. This last part is a typical response to such situations after being called out. This happens in both online and offline.


Let me unpack this for you.


Note, it was quite literally a costume that could be discarded. She was living in Europe, so she could have donned clothes from that area but chose not to. There are also a great many English or western textiles and fashions to choose from as well.


Secondly, these clothes were no doubt made from cheap, unfair trade labor from somewhere in the Indian subcontinent. I don’t know if you have visited some of these areas, but impoverished is a kind way to put it. Clean running water (into the home), toilets, and consistent electricity are regular issues. Every time you choose fast fashion, know that some brown or black individual is doing this labor for pennies on the dollar, compared to the minimum wage in Western countries.


Thirdly, the cotton or other fabrics are damaging the planet. Cotton farming esp in Andhra, where my father is from is huge. It’s a cash crop. It’s a labor intense crop to harvest and requires a great deal of water to grow. With the advent of GM cotton, these farmers are not able to preserve their old ways, ie seed saving. They are running into huge debts that can’t be paid and are committing suicide. Family lands are sold to paid down debts and like farmers around the world, the next generation often leaves the rural areas in search of jobs, education and better prospects. Often replaced by monoculture and agribusiness style farms that deplete soils and profit multinationals, not small farmers.


Other fabrics, rayon and so, are synthetic. They are by and large made from petroleum products. (It’s a cool lab experiment often done in organic chemistry experiments, the former science teacher in me says). But I hear you say, what about bamboo? Well after the initial processing, it behaves very much like rayon. Fairtrade, organic, and sustainable fabrics like tencel and hemp are better, but best to check into the supply chains so there is accountability throughout.


Climate change, too, has ravaged these areas (and other areas predominately inhabited by blacks and browns) rather than those causing the most damage in the (white) west. Basically, it causes more pain, death, and discomfort to bipoc worldwide. These individuals often with the least resources (because of wealth extraction from capitalism, colonialism and greed), do not have the means to move, survive, put up sea walls and other protections from the ravages of climate change.


Next, let us not forget, the British came to India via colonization. The takeover was violent and forever changed the Indian Subcontinent and its history. It’s a bloody history. Make no mistake, it was done to claim, to take, to steal wealth for the British Empire. It was not kind. And when people continue to profit from the plundering, it is not just cultural appropriation, but grotesque stealing. And then parading it around as if to say, ‘try and stop me.’


I want to add here, gems, like many found in the crown jewels are stolen from the ‘empire’ and even after returning their countries, they still hold on to these items. Tokens from their plundering ways. And just like those, the rich textiles, culinary masterpieces, and ways of being are kept in the same vein. And in modern times, such mechanisms are still in force as is the racism worldwide against these individuals and their diaspora. This teacher (as do many) failed to notice or acknowledge this part of history and the ongoing narrative.


White bodies are also revered in these places. It’s a direct impact of colonialism. Colorism, the discrimination of peoples based on shades of skin color is real in colonized countries. The lighter the skin, the more acceptable. Many skin bleaching creams on the markets and the trope of lighter skin equalling more attractive is alive and well. Then when, white people do yoga, they are playing directly on this trope.


Further, though I don’t all the history of yoga, but I have done an in-depth inquiry into Bharata Natyam (and the change in rhetorical situation as a direct result of colonization) for my M.A. in Rhetoric and for the Ph.D. that I did not complete. I also have been trained as a Bharata Natyam dancer since the age of 4. There are certain parallels between the arts of India. Like many of the arts of India, as a direct result of Victorian morals, began the downfall and whitewashing of many of the arts. Meanwhile, whites would come to observe (and steal) these arts. Sometimes they came to learn (and pay) the teachers to learn. Then they had a history of doing these performances in the US and UK (among other places) for pay, bringing the it to the West. It is part of the history of Orientalism — the love of the exotic East tinged with imperialism of the West.
There is a lineage with in the arts.

All of them, including dance and yoga, have a lineage. The chain of guru-shishya (shishya= student) is how the art is passed down. Without acknowledging my gurus in both Carnatic Music and Bharata Natyam, I am doing a disservice and in fact, I am insulting those who came before me. Without acknowledging this tradition, her gurus, the lineage, the style and so on, she is disrespecting the entire this tradition and those who have come before her.


Not to mention, the guru-shishya relationship (as any teacher/student) relationship, involves a hierarchy, a power differential. That needs to be understood and acknowledged. There is often power on both sides, but when race, gender, ability, education, age and so on are not addressed, it creates an unsafe space. There are more about power dynamics of teachers, I have seen and been a part of as an educator for 8+ years in the classroom. Once again, this power differential went unmentioned.


Also, there is maleness in yogic traditions (as well as other arts). These were often Brahmin men practicing these ancient techniques and they were not shared with the masses. These men often withheld this wisdom from the other castes and from womxn. Inherent in that is classism. A classism reflected in the Western Yogic practice, with white teachers, primarily middle or upper class white women in attendance, lack of support or systems to include the marginalized, and little to no teaching that reflects the true history of the art itself.


And with the advent of colonialism, arts like Bharata Natyam that were a low caste art that died and reborn from its ashes, was a turned from temple art reserved for a specific (low) caste to a high-class stage art. Once again using classism to erase and marginalize those whose life blood and lineage build the art in the first place. I do not know the impacts on colonialism on yoga specifically, but I’m sure that too was impacted. This is a place for further inquiry on my end. But as temple dancing was banned during British rule, many other arts (even yoga and Ayurveda according to one source) were banned as well.


Erasure and marginalization of WOC is true. Men, often free of the burden of children, could pursue such a life of the ascetic. And often benefited from the women’s labor for sure. My own paternal grandfather, a Brahmin male, upheld the rules that women were of less value and benefited from their labor. I am not sure how this happened in ancient India, but I am sure of it did happen. According to the Samskaras (Hindu text of religious customs), of which I have only read parts, traditions like the men naming their children, the number of days and actions of defilement (days of mourning) vary greatly for men and women as well as class, and childcare/food preparation done primarily by women. Another gap in my education on how these systems impacted the yogic traditions. Also, Brahmins perhaps had means (and duty) to send their sons away to learn the Vedas and other Hindu traditions that women would be been denied (and in fact, girls seen as a burden for marriage and needed at home to do domestic chores at least in more modern times).


It was not until individuals like the students of Sri Tirumalai Krishnamacharya or Yogi Bhajan, brought it out to the West (and hence the world) in the 1950’s and later. Then the academics had their hand in it, bringing it to the West to those types attracted and privileged to attend universities. Once again, not accessible to many based in India or poc around the world. The ability to have travel to India and pay to learn these techniques is a badge of honor for many whites.


Worth noting here: Yoga in the West is devoid of Hindu thought or principles. It is taken as a simple movement. Sometimes, as in the words of Alexis P. Morgan, ‘spiritual bleach’ a whitened version of the Hindu spiritual principles. Without the culture, the respect, the deeper understanding of the practices themselves, it is very sanitary, devoid of the true essence. Yoga is more than a movement or asana. It is a lifestyle and a way of being, deeply rooted in the teachings of the Vedas.
An aside. Though Brahmins are traditionally vegetarian, those practices are hard to maintain outside of India. Because of the monoculture of agriculture and CAFO for dairy operations instead of the permaculture and holistic farm practices, eating the way they ate and maintained their body is unavailable in the West. Meaning bite for bite, food grown in nourished soils, heirloom varieties, Ayurvedic and other ancient cooking techniques and ingredients, maximize nutritional content of food. Being vegetarian in this way and shaming those that are not, cannot is unfair. This is another element of the trope. Often these individuals are vegetarian or vegan and push their ideas on others, whose constitutions or belief systems or budget will not accommodate this are shamed.


Womb yoga. It also undermines those who have had hysterectomies or unable to have children, and individuals who have gone through menopause. It inherently excludes individuals that may identify as womxn but do not have a womb. That last part in itself is considered TERF, a type of feminism that excludes transwomen. Inclusion is an important element to consider here. While this space had only cis women, as far as I knew, it did subtly elevate those who had a womb and had actively had used it for childbearing.


After generations of abuse, there is a PTSD from colonization. A type of internalized oppression that is passed down from generation to generation. It’s an ancestral wound that continues to fester. And the flames of rage that come from this and repeated racism/sexism that is inherent for WOC, is a perfect storm to create a rage when faced with this type of spiritual white woman. And after generations of being silenced, it is difficult to learn to speak up. If this has happened to you, forgive yourself for your lack of eloquence, your seething rage, your silence, your inability to communicate your point or any other feelings/expressions.


When confronted, this type of woman will appear to listen and speak from compassion. They will center the discussion on them and their feelings to distract. And ultimately, to avoid a scene they will back away and leave you with their typical, ‘love and light’ comments. We’ll discuss this more in another piece. Notice certain features, marginalization by omission of power structures, histories, and lineage, lack of in-depth understanding of names, positions, and larger contexts, a centering behaviour both inside and outside the classroom. In general, they avoid going in depth, avoid politics, and avoid anything vibrationally, ‘heavy’. They have a superficial understanding of Hinduism and the teaching therein. When confronted, they have a tendency to disappear. This lack of acknowledgement and erasure causes undo harm to the POC they marginalize.


An interesting aside. A WOC challenged me afterward saying, ‘does that mean every time they teach a class, they should say yoga is from India?’ in a rather condescending tone. Here in defence of the white yoga teacher. This is internalized oppression, once again for another day to discuss.


What can you do?


If you are a POC or marginalized individual here are some ideas to take this deeper.


Keep your eyes open for common themes. Our great leader, Audre Lorde, makes an excellent point (in the quote above) about draining our power, resources, and so on. As People of Color, it’s our job to refocus that energy back on ourselves. One way to do this is to start to name these tropes. Unpack and see exactly how white supremacy, toxic behaviors, and marginalization happens, as to be able to see it clearly for what it is, be judicious with our energies and circle, and learn to dismantle our own programming. Part of that journey is to reclaim our heritage, cultures and re-center ourselves in our lives.
Secondly, tell stories and share your experiences bravely.


And, if you have a story of harm created from spiritual ww, I’ll provide an hour of my time to listen to you to process. If you’d like help to write the story, share your story in anyway or just process the trauma in a safe space. I’m here for it. Just reach out and we’ll set up the time. Info@manifestbydesign.com is the best place to reach me. And its completely free service.

Let’s turn the tables on these WW.


1) Take POC led classes. When possible, take courses like yoga from poc first. If you are unable to find one after truly looking, find the most knowledgeable white one in your area and inquire about these power structures and culture before joining to gauge receptivity.

2) Listen. Listen to woc/poc and learn about their own cultures, histories/herstories, spiritual practices, and how they have been experienced injustice at the intersection of feminism and racism. And then pay them for their time.
3) If you learned from these words or the resulting thread/comments then pay me. Here’s the link: paypal.me/manifestbydesign.com
4) If you want to support a marginalized individual or poc to work with me so they can follow their calling and do their work in the world. I’d love to have you support me, so I can support them. Ask me how you can do this.
5) Spiritual white women and men. I’d love to help you do this work, if you’re willing to listen. We can use the time together to look into your own actions, perceptions, marketing copy, sales process, or course curriculum. A minimum of 5 hours of work is recommended.
​

Resources for further study:
http://www.decolonizingyoga.com/decolonize-yoga-practice/
http://www.decolonizingyoga.com/yoga-hate-6-ways-to-end-exclusion-in-yoga/
http://www.decolonizingyoga.com/when-people-of-color-say-they-want-their-own-yoga-white-people-should-listen/
https://yogainternational.com/article/view/why-we-practice-a-short-history-of-yoga-in-the-west
0 Comments

7/20/2017 1 Comment

Barriers to Transformation

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Image Credit: Edwin Andrade Image: Brown woman with long black curly hair, wearing a t-shirt and tattoos, looking out of a window in Los Angles, California.


Women are supposedly paid 75 cents on the dollar for men's work. Yet, this refers to white men and women. Evidence shows that people of color, women especially, are paid far less. Similarly, individuals with disabilities and GLBTQIA+, depending on the situation quite possibly suffer the same.

And all the while, money is concentrating into few hands. The wealth being siphoned from the poorest to the wealthiest. These elites do this intentionally through the media, corporations, institutions, and governments, the long arms and talking pieces, controlling the situation from behind the scenes.

While we do our best to speak up and break through the glass ceilings and systems of oppression, it's a real thing.

The majority of even 'middle class' families can barely keep a month's expenses aside for a rainy day. One bad month away from poverty. More and more individuals live below the poverty line, services cut, real buying power decreasing, and wages stagnating.

While world-wide, charitable donations are up. Fewer people live in deep poverty. Many billionaires and millionaires give very generously through philanthropic causes. Yet, they too have not managed to upend the systematic oppression, partially because they ultimately benefit from it.

Individuals growing up in poverty and living in an unequal society (I.e. living with racism, sexism, ageism etc.) creates a shell shock to the brain and epigenome. We know that epigenetics impacts quality of life and is stored as ancestral wounds. We've lived in 500+ years of colonialism and globalization. For generations, this oppressive system have lived on in our DNA, our stories, our histories. Yet all of this is largely unacknowledged or paid lip service to in sensitivity or diversity training.

There is no leaving. No escape hatches. No back door. Nowhere to go, even if you wanted to do so.

I'm not saying that we must accept this situation. I'm not saying to hate the privileged and wealthy. I'm not saying that all hope is lost.

What I am saying it that we do live in an unequal society. It's not just your imagination.
What I am saying is that privileged folks have had generations to preserve and accumulate wealth.

What I am saying is that the current economic, social, and political climate gives an advantage to some, not all.

What I am saying is that even if you make less, your bills and needs are not less. In fact, the marginalized have layers of programming and ancestral wounds to heal in addition to their current circumstances.

I'm getting tired of individuals within the personal growth industry, especially whites, who ignore these factors of inequality in their pricing, sales and marketing practices.
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I'm tired of inflated prices and the shaming in not being able to afford the investment without putting individuals and families at risk from debt.

I'm tired of people profiting from fear based messages and yielding very little transformation. And many feel shame about speaking out against such messaging or services.

I'm tired of the deaf ear towards these injustices.

This is to say nothing of the actual program materials and approach that often perpetuates oppression and further marginalizes the marginalized.
​
When we ignore the truth and deny reality, we cause harm. When the very nature of our so-called empowerment does not actually liberate, but further subjugate, we are doing damage. Here is a reminder: IMPACT>INTENT.

Just stop and listen.

And if you are marginalized, know that in my space you are safe.
I do not pretend that I know all. I have consciously worked unceasingly to unpack my own wounds, from colonialism through my inquiry into patriarchy within my own life and the impact of the British empire within India, related to Bharata Natyam. I have spent the past 20 years teaching, writing, editing, consulting about remembering and recovering identity, illuminating purpose, and defining life on your terms. I personally unschooling my daughter. I am a business owner. I have lived the struggles of being a brown body in a white washed world. And I have a unique blend of science-based tools to illuminate truth and gentility of compassion and deep listening that leads to radical transformation.

My promise to you: walk with you through the dark days, recover who you are, and rewrite the programs to take back your full potential and step fully into your power. If you're ready, I'm here.

Here's a video lecture that I created about overcoming systemic oppression in regards to living your life by design and fulfilling your calling. Check it out and I will open my calendar for a heart to heart discussion with me -- no strings attached to connect about this and the impact on your life and journey. If you are looking for support, we can discuss that as well.

Video Lecture link. 
1 Comment

7/3/2017 0 Comments

Your Cultural Power

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Photo Credit: Adamara. Image: South Korean woman walking through an archway in Seoul.
One of the places that our power is dissipated is through forgetting and losing our cultural context and identity. Reclaiming who you are, your whole self is crucial to the journey to your power.


Our culture in the western world is difficult to maintain. The indigenous cultures are by and large ignored, destroyed while the dominant 'culture' or lack of culture is maintained. In this context, we've forgotten who we really are. A big part of recovering this is finding our ancestral nature as humans and our cultural identity.


We push our physical movements into the small space of counting our steps or going to the gym. But ancestral movement was varied and overall more 'nutritious' like squatting, carrying water, foraging and hunting and farming. It included building, entertainment, defence.


Our foods have become morphed by processing, with the interest of increasing shelf life and profitability, not nutritional status, environmental sustainability, or fair living wages for workers. Instead our ancestors, lived from the land, they understood the cycles of time, the nuances of the connectivity of living things and natural cycles. Foods would have been local, nutritionally dense, and valued--nothing thrown away.


Family life was not just limited to the nuclear family and relatives for national holidays, it was a way of life. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins were all a part of everyday life: child care, cooking, education, were shared responsibilities. Also protection, food, and connection were for the benefit of all in the tribe.
Education was not merely sitting in a school room with a book. But was varied, the school room was the foraging done with a mother, the babysitting done by a cousin or older sibling, the hunting of game, the learning of farming and subsistence with your community, the passing on of teachings through oral stories, songs, traditions and dancing.


In these and in hundreds of other ways, we have allowed ourselves to be sold a lie, a manufactured, easy, shadow version of who we are as people, as individuals, as a collective. It's no longer wonder that we have collectively lost our ways. It's not taught, not role modelled and purposely dismissed in the mainstream culture. But that is our true nature.


Instead of culture being separated by a music appreciation class in school or an evening at the theatre, or an 'ethnic' dinner out with friends or a Zumba dance class, let's make it a part of our everyday.
​

We have externalized our culture, just like we have externalized our utilities, our movement, our entertainment, our relationships, our food, our labor, our identities and our education. It's time to integrate them back into our very essence. Recovering yourself in these ways is not only essential but transformative.


Before you leap into this, get very clear on who you are and where you came from. By this, I do not mean merely your culture, ethnicity, race or location. I mean, where we came from as humans. What you stand for as a person. Why you're here now. What is the greater meaning to your life.


Yes, parts of our own personal histories and herstories have been lost, just as those of the collective and the marginalized. Yet, they can be recovered. It's easier to do that now before they truly do disappear. Start by dipping your toe.
Beyond the personal, you can find out about your relations, your family, your heritage. You can learn the language of your ancestors, if it indeed still exists. You can recover the art, drama, dance, and creative expressions. You can rediscovery native foods, flavors, textures, garb and fragrances. You can allow yourself to learn the old ways, the old stories, the old movements.


It's a bold move and one that centers your life around you, instead of in the dominant culture that alienates you and separates you from community and yourself.


Take the courageous steps to rediscover who you are.
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